Dr. Bauman Quotes

Here are some selected quotes from (and about) Dr. Bauman, in case you didn't see them on Facebook. Enjoy!

Dr. Bauman on Mama Mia "I was the port-a-potty and the crap kept coming!"
 
Dr. Bauman “Female actresses are really just under-nourished folks on the verge of dying because they escaped from Africa. There aren't even 'average' people on screen.”

"You hear people say 'Celebrate Diversity'- NO! Celebrate Excellence!" –Dr. Bauman
 
"It's good to be a mother- unless you're a guy! I shudder to think of Phil as a Mother" –Dr. Bauman
 
"If you're going to your death confident that you're a good guy, you’re a fool." -Dr. Bauman
 
"Puns are for children' "A pun what conclusion did you base that decision." –Dr. Bauman
 
"Music and train wrecks don't go together unless its Kanye West." –Dr. Bauman
 
"Maybe this implies that she live with the window…" –Dr. Bauman
 
"Bauman-esqe Torture..." –Dr. Bauman
 
"Eternity was the Christian version of Time. Eternity went out of business and Time goes on!" –Dr. Bauman

“Are you hot for werewolves or not?” –Dr. Bauman
 
“To be knighted is to be in the dark.” –Dr. Bauman

“Women want control and men are stupid, they’re perfect for each other.” –Dr. Bauman

"Rosie, don't we have a 'No-Drinking Policy' here?" -Dr. Bauman

"Me, Myself and I- the Trinity!" –Dr. Bauman

"It's a compliment Phil- you're hot!" -Dr. Bauman

"You're hating people? Don't look at me when you say that…" -Dr. Bauman
 
"Buy American! What if I'm American and I buy and damn thing I want?" - Dr. Bauman
 
"What car would Jesus buy? A Christ-ler?"- Dr. Bauman
 
"Maybe you should become a Christian and stop drinking coffee… you were made free to become an addict?" -Dr. Bauman

"Live somewhere else forever… get a nun transfer!" -Dr. Bauman
 
"Separating from sinners to escape sin never works- you're always with you." -Dr. Bauman
 
"God knows what we will freely choose." -Dr. Bauman

"God has made the world in such a way that your will matters." -Dr. Bauman
 
"You can't figure out the Bible by reading the New York Times Headlines." -Dr. Bauman
 
"When a prophecy fails, people never admit they're wrong, they just recalculate… every freaking time." -Dr. Bauman

"You were already confused, and these questions have revealed it… You're welcome." -Dr. Bauman
 
"Is your patron saint a parrot?" -Dr. Bauman
 
"Despite your prayers and mine, I'm back…" -Dr. Bauman
 
"Phil, I can forgive almost everything… almost…" -Dr. Bauman
 
"One out of four isn't bad… it's like most of your tests…" -Dr. Bauman
 
Annie: "Do you lie to us?" Dr. Bauman: "If I said 'yes', you couldn't believe me and if I said 'no' it would be a lie…"

"I believe that poem is a piece of shit.. Its one of the stupidest things written in English… it’s a piece of dog dodo… Vulgarity should not mean but be…" -Dr. Bauman
  
Damiya: "Is that oxymoron?" Dr. Bauman: "I can see the moron part..."
 
"Ever seen a wordless poem? There one is now!" -Dr. Bauman
 
"Next time you have your computer open to a poem, hit the delete button- there's Archibald McLeish…" -Dr. Bauman
 
"You saw him [Dr. Williams] dress for volleyball- you know he makes mistakes… I don't even want to look at that fish very long…" -Dr. Bauman
 
Annie: "I'll give you an example…" Dr. Bauman: "And I'll give you an evasion…"
 
“STARE AT THE FISH- IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!!” –Dr. Bauman
 
"I never thought I would say this, but, Wendy is right!" -Dr. Bauman
 
Annie: "You don't heart NY?" Dr. Bauman: "No, no- I flee New York!"

"Meditate- that's the secret of the universe?" -Dr. Bauman
 
"For one thing Phil, 'Republican idiots' is redundant." -Dr. Bauman
 
"Senile people are citizens… why shouldn't Moreland vote?" -Dr. Bauman

"I'll see you tonight- consider yourself warned!" –Dr. Bauman
 
"I think that human being are capable of reason but are rarely ever rational." -Dr. Bauman
 
“The reason Socrates was so far ahead of everyone is that he knew that he didn't know anything...” –Dr. Bauman

"If you were a Phillies fan you wouldn't take their name in vain…" –Dr. Bauman
 
“John McCain couldn't debate his way out of paper bag.” –Dr. Bauman
 
"Time may come to an end…" –Dr. Bauman
 
“He was a flute player in fact… but he was still a Christian.” –Dr. Bauman
 
“He's a lawyer, a politician, and a saint- how many of those are there?” –Dr. Bauman
 
"No wonder you can't find it- the idiot up front can't tell nine from ten…" -Dr. Bauman referencing the fact that he told us to look in the wrong book of Paradise Lost.

"He's saying 'Who does God think He is? God?'" –Dr. Bauman (In reference to Satan talking about God in Paradise Lost.)

"I wonder what constitutes 'inglorious' if being thrown into hell doesn't count…" -Dr. Bauman (Referencing Satan speaking in Paradise Lost.

“Never mistake being a good theologian for being a good Christian. You can be a really good theologian and a bad Christian.” –Dr. Bauman
 
“Truth isn’t a thing- it's a person. Look for “HIM”, not “It”. You can be thinking about God all day long and still be rebelling against Him.” –Dr. Bauman

"Life is like running though a mine-field with clown shoes on…" -Dr. Bauman
 
“The truth…. Satan's a democrat.” –Dr. Bauman
 
Phil: “I'm Satan!”
Dr. Bauman: “I Know!”
 
“Welcome to the special broadcast of the Precious Nation- I don't know…Thanks for tuning in!” –Dr. Bauman

"It's Friday the 13th! Beware of black cats, mirrors, Bauman, ladders, barbed wire… and the color purple." -Unknown

"Men are pigs... or ballerinas…" -Dr. Bauman
 
"Let's tone it down to a quite roar…" -Dr. Bauman

"I am the world’s foremost authority on all manner of things." -Dr. Bauman
 
“Phil- you're good at worship, you're just not good at picking Gods...” –Dr. Bauman

"Abby, you can't have an extreme brain makeover if you don't have a brain…" -Dr. Bauman
 
“Do you see Armageddon as literal or does it occur in a highly symbolic book, such as Revelation?” –Dr. Bauman
 
“If guilt is by association, then the two people next to you are evil...” –Dr. Bauman
 
“I missed the section of the Bible where there are cow commandments...” –Dr. Bauman
 
“Theology is like education- it’s going to be painful, but worth it.” –Dr. Bauman

“When we go home, it will be easy for us to make enemies. We've made a lot of progress and we're going to want to talk to people and show you what you know- and they'll hate your guts. We need to prove first of all that we're still good people, but not that we're pains in the butt. We need to be the first us, and not the second coming of Bauman.” –Dr. Bauman

Annalisa: "I'm a little confused…"
Dr. Bauman: "I know…"
 
Hope: "Is Don Williams married?"
Dr. Bauman: "No…"
Hope: "Oh Good!"

“Do you believe in order to understand or to you understand in order to believe?” –Dr. Bauman
 
"Just remember Sterling that cowardice is not a Christian virtue…" -Dr. Bauman
 
"I'm a no-point Calvinist. Which isn’t the same as a pointless Calvinist, which is redundant…" -Dr. Bauman
 
“Some people are born to be Marines… I was born not to be…” –Dr. Bauman
 
“You have to start in the right place in order to end in the right place…” –Dr. Bauman
 
“I said that he’s more Catholic than the Catholics- you're a protestant… and that horrifies him…” –Dr. Bauman
 
“You need to do theology the right way in order to get the correct answers… you have to ask the right Questions in order to get the right answers...” –Dr. Bauman

Eric: “Who do you fear more, Bauman or God?” Mack: “God has mercy.”

“Libby- someday you’ll be dead… Oh Happy Day!” –Dr. Bauman

“If you ever meet someone else like Bauman… run!” –Eric Smith